Victor Borge

Some Funny Memorable Quotes by the great comedian Victor Borge

• (Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?
• I love this piano... I get about 4 sonatas to a gallon of red wine on it...
• ... Very expensive these pianos... It's not mine! But they come in a six pack!
• I have been looking forward to this evening's performance ever since... 7:30... two weeks ago.
• I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary.
• I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so.
• I don't mind growing old. I'm just not used to it.
• Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
• Occasionally, a finger comes up to wipe a tear [of laughter] from the eye... and that's my reward... the rest goes to the government.
• I only know two pieces, one is 'Clair de Lune', the other one isn't.
• The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.
• When you go home, please drive home extremely carefully. Extremely carefully. Because I walk in my sleep!
• Giuseppe Verdi. Joe Green to you.
• I'm going to play it with both hands so that way I will get through with it a little faster.
• I'm Lou Borg.
• You may not be aware of this but Leonard Bernstein won another award, for explaining the music of Igor Stravinsky... to Igor Stravinsky!
• There will be no dancing during this number... unless you absolutely have to!
• I'm going to play a piece...by a Danish composer. Umm... Mozart. Hans Christian Mozart!
• (Holding someone's red tie) Oh, I thought you were bleeding.
• We have a neighbour. Well, who doesn't... but he's our next window neighbour, because he does not have a door at that end of the house!
• My grandfather gave me this watch...a few minutes before he died...for 20 bucks...plus tax...
• The soprano... is about four and a half feet tall... Lying down.
• And now, Brahms! Joey Brahms! ...Brahms spelled backwards: "Smharb."
• One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.
• Before we start, the Baldwin Piano Company has asked me to say that this is a Steinway piano [or vice versa].
• (Inspecting the piano) Hmmm… Steinway & Sons. Didn't even know he was married.
• Ignaz Friedman's dead now—I sincerely hope, because they buried him about 28 years ago.
• There are three Bachs. Johann, Sebastian and Offen.
• It's Fliszt, not F. Liszt. Do you say M. Ozart?
• It is important to always, always fasten your seat belt wherever you play.
• Excuse me Ma'am, are you laying eggs? (Spoken in "Page-Turner")
• (Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?
• And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play "Clear the Saloon", er, "Clair de Lune", by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.
• [In a lecture on Mozart's Magic Flute]"...and after that the Chorus comes in...nobody knows WHY...besides Mozart of course...and he's dead."
• [After making a usage, grammar error, etc.] Hey, it's your language, I'm just trying to use it."
• Pardon me for sitting down while I play.